the moments that create my life

Friday, June 1, 2012

Fear

Today is the big day! There is something about handing over your baby to someone else, knowing they're going to be put to sleep and then the insides of their bodies are going to be changed. I have no doubt that we are going to be in one of the very best facilities in the nation with some of the very best doctors and nurses around. We were in the exact same place two and a half years ago with a teeny baby boy. It's not new stomping ground. But it's still scary. 
Last night, I opened up my devotional book to May 31. Below is what I saw:

I love to see the Lord's presence in my life. It's no coincidence that I was given a devotional book with this passage written for the day before my baby girl's surgery. He knew that I would need this reminder. 
I'm fearful. I trust that everything is going to turn out fine, that she will be so much better after she's all healed up. no more sleep apnea. no more serious snoring. no more marbles in her throat. It'll be worth it. I'm still afraid of handing my girl over. I'm scared of how she'll be afterwards. She's known for her dramatic side. And I'm scared of it, knowing she's going to be in pain.
As her mommy, it's my job to be there for her. to love her. snuggle her. take care of her. tell her it's going to be okay. And this afternoon? She's probably not going to want to her any of it. She's probably going to be pretty ticked. 

This devotional passage helped me to remember a couple of things: 
1. The Lord my God is going to be with us today. when we hand her off. when she's in surgery. when she wakes up. when she's in pain. tomorrow. the next day. and the next. always. 
2. I am to be strong and courageous today. I can't let fear stop me from being my best for Addi. She doesn't need to know I'm scared. In the Bible passage, God is telling Joshua, "I'm sending you to do a job. Fear is going to be the enemy. Do not let it stop you." Today, my job is to be there for Addi. And I can't be afraid to do my job. 

We can apply this passage to so many areas in our lives. Whether you're facing a job change, a move, relationship changes, if it's something that God has planned and a path he has set you on, you can't let fear stop you from doing it. From the little things to the big things, He is there for you. He will be you with you wherever you go.

We will be so very appreciative of your prayers today. Please pray for the doctors, nurses, anesthesiologist that will be caring for my girl. Please pray for her. a speedy recovery. that she will be cooperative and understanding of the pain and trials over the next couple of days. Please pray for her mommy and daddy. for strength and courage. for patience and peace. for an ability to focus so much attention on Addi yet still give Hutt the love and attention he needs. Please pray for her little brother. He's getting some much loved time with Gramma and Pops so he's not really caring right now. Please pray for him to understand as a lot of our attention is focused on Addi and for him to understand her condition and need for extra love. 


I will update later from my phone as I can. Follow me on twitter @_savannamcm for more up to the minute updates. 


Savanna 
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